You Don’t Have to Have It All Figured Out | by Rachida Benabdallah

This is my very first blog post. I wrote it from the heart –it means a lot to me.

Ever since I was a little girl, I used to hear that question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” And honestly, I never knew how to answer. I was always confused. Nothing really grabbed my attention. I didn’t know what I loved.

I used to watch others answer with so much ease, passion, and love. And I always wondered – why haven’t I found what my heart wants yet? What’s my passion? Am I really supposed to choose a major? What if I fail? What if I don’t even like it?

These thoughts would sit in my head for five minutes or more, then I’d brush them off, thinking: “I’m still young, there’s time to figure it out. Maybe one day I’ll find something that suits me.”

My mom always wished I’d become a doctor – like most Arab mothers, I guess. And just like when a father tells his son what he should be, and the son agrees out of love, I believed it must be the right path. So, the idea of “I’m a future doctor” started growing in my mind. Finally, I had an answer to that question. Finally, I had a goal.

But as I got older – in my teenage years – things started to change. I realized I had been hiding my curiosity, just to feel safe having an answer. I realized that my whole future might end up being based on an idea that wasn’t even mine.

“A doctor? But what is medicine, really?” Do I have what it takes – mentally, emotionally, spiritually – for this field? I wasn’t the one who chose it.

That question – “What do you want to become?” – turned into a struggle. I wanted to explain to my mom that maybe I’m not made for medicine. I’m actually good at math and physics. And I’m also the shy type… the kind of person who finds it hard to even make a normal phone call.

To be fair, my mom never forced me. She just hoped I’d be a doctor, because she saw potential in me – a potential I didn’t even see in myself. Maybe because I didn’t have enough confidence… maybe I still don’t.

Then came a phase where I started asking myself real questions. What do I truly want? Do I want a career just for money? Would I be willing to sacrifice for it? Do I want to help others?

The answer is yes – I want to leave an impact. I want to make a difference in my generation and the ones after. I want to spread knowledge. I want to spread peace.

I started to feel interested in politics… and. I guess chemistry.

Now, with just a year left before I have to decide what I want to do with my life, I’ve come to understand the real meaning of medicine.

It’s not just a job that pays well. It’s a noble profession. A deeply human one. The idea that you can bring someone back from the edge of death – it Literally gives me chills.

It’s not just a job. It’s a calling. It’s a trade with God. It’s a sacrifice – seven years of your life.

Now, I’m not going to say for sure that I’ll become a doctor. Because we don’t know what the future holds. But at least now, I can finally answer that question in peace – Without pretending. Without guilt. Without borrowing someone else’s dream.

After more than twelve years of asking myself, “What do you want to be?” I can now say without any doubt , without guilt : Maybe medicine. Maybe political science or even aerospace engineering.

Whatever it ends up being – it’ll be something I chose for myself.

Thank you for reading my story. I wrote this from the heart.hope you enjoy it ! 🤍

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