Why We Keep Getting Attached to the Wrong People (5 Quiet Psychological Reasons) 💔➡️💪 | by Supriya Kumari | Oct, 2025

By Supriya

We all have that drawer in our hearts where we keep the “wrong person” stories. They’re messy, tender, and strangely familiar and they teach us a lot if we stop pretending we weren’t the one who picked them. I dug through psychology research, essays, and personal accounts to pull together five core reasons people fall into the same painful pattern plus short real-life vignettes and simple next steps. No fluff. Just what actually matters.

Old attachment patterns: you fall for what’s familiar, even when it hurts (Part 1) Story part.

If early caregiving felt inconsistent, you may grow up expecting love to be unstable. That anxious-insecure wiring makes intense, uncertain relationships feel “right” because they match your blueprint. In other words: your nervous system mistakes volatility for connection.

When Chaos Feels Like Love 💔 — Aisha’s Story

Aisha met Arjun on a regular Tuesday afternoon, one of those days that feel like background noise in your life. He was funny in a careless way, the kind of person who texts you memes and somehow makes your day lighter. Within a week, he knew her coffee order, her favorite song from college, and the story behind her old scar near the wrist.

He didn’t love her slowly. He loved her loudly or at least that’s how it looked. Constant texts, long voice notes at midnight, promises about “someday”.
Aisha’s phone buzzed like a heartbeat.

It lasts till three weeks,

Then one morning, it stopped.

No fight. No warning. Just silence.

At first she thought he was busy. Then she blamed herself maybe she said too much, maybe she was too available, maybe he got bored.
When his message finally came a week later, it was casual:
“Hey, sorry, crazy week 😅 Missed you.”

And just like that, she melted again. Relief felt like love.

This became their rhythm affection, absence, apology, repeat. Aisha told her friends he was “complicated,” that he “needed space,” that “he’s not like others.”
But what she didn’t tell them was how alive she felt when his name lit up her phone again.
That high was addictive.

One night, sitting on her balcony, she scrolled back through their chat. She saw how much she’d been carrying all the effort, all the waiting, all the forgiving.

And for the first time, she thought about her childhood her father who

came home once in a week, her mother who smiled too hard when he did.

Love, to her, had always come and gone.

She realized it wasn’t Arjun she was addicted to.
It was the pattern. The unpredictability.

The familiar ache that felt like home.

When she finally walked away, she didn’t do it with anger.
She did it with understanding.

Healing, she learned, wasn’t about finding someone new.
It was about teaching her nervous system that peace doesn’t mean boredom and silence doesn’t mean rejection.

It means safety.

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means choosing yourself

This story has 2 parts — Part 2 coming tomorrow! 🌸
Stay tuned to see how Aisha learns to love herself and what are the psychological facts that she got to know for her inner peace.