Why Perfect Memory is Overrated. Can’t remember if it was Tuesday or… | by Maureen Crawford

Practical Strategies for Working with Imperfect Memory

1. Lead with what you know for certain

Start with sensory details and emotions you remember clearly. ‘I remember the smell of pine needles warming in the sun’ is stronger than reconstructing whether it was 2006 or 2007.

2. Be honest about uncertainty

There’s power in ‘I’m not sure exactly when this was’ or ‘This is how I remember it.’ This honesty doesn’t weaken your story. It makes it trustworthy.

3. Use approximations for peripheral details

Instead of ‘It was July 14, 2011,’ try ‘It was summer, the kind of hot afternoon that makes you lazy.’

4. Focus on the pattern, not the single event

If you can’t remember one specific conversation but know your grandfather always said certain things, write about the pattern. ‘Grandpa had a way of…’ is often more truthful than reconstructing a single exchange.

5. Ask for perspectives, not corrections

Frame it as ‘This is how I remember it. What do you remember?’ rather than ‘Is this right?’ You’re gathering different views of the same truth, not hunting for mistakes.

What you don’t do is abandon the story.

Phrases for Honoring Uncertainty

As I remember it…
I’m not sure exactly when, but I know…
The details are fuzzy, but what stayed with me was…

I might be combining two different times, but…
I don’t remember the exact words, but the feeling was…
From my perspective…

Looking back now, what matters most is…
The timeline is unclear, but the truth is…
Whether it happened once or many times, I remember…

The Gift of Imperfect Memory

Imperfect memory forces you to focus on what matters most. If you’ve forgotten the date but remember the feeling, if the exact words are gone but the meaning remains, your memory has done its job. It has filtered out the noise and kept the signal.

The stories that stay with us across decades aren’t the ones with perfect factual accuracy. They’re the ones that capture emotional truth, that reveal character, that teach us something essential about the people we love.

Trust what you remember. Honor what you’ve forgotten.

Write the story about your grandmother’s garden even if you can’t remember which flowers grew where. Write about the porcupine on the bike even if you’re fuzzy on the season. Write about the camping trip even if the years have blurred together.

Because it wasn’t Tuesday or Wednesday that mattered. It was never about Tuesday or Wednesday.

It was always about what happened, and how it shaped you, and why it still matters.

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