why i stay away from love. i want love to choose me — someday. | by Evara

i want love to choose me — someday.

I’m a big believer in love. All kinds of love. I believe every person deserves a family built on a foundation of care, understanding, and deep affection. But that belief doesn’t always mirror reality — not mine, at least.

I come from a loving family — or so it seemed. I was given everything I asked for growing up: toys, treats, attention, warmth. But only when things were financially stable. When money was flowing, so was affection. But now, love feels like a transaction. It’s biased. It’s conditional. It’s business — a business with unspoken rules you’re not allowed to question.

For me, childhood felt like a fairytale… until it didn’t.
Have you ever, as a child or teenager, felt neglected by the very people you loved the most? Have you ever been blamed for their misfortunes? I hope you haven’t. Because it’s a crumbling, burdensome feeling — a silent scream trapped inside.

Yes, I run away from love.
Because I love love.
The kind of love where families grow together — not fall apart blaming each other.
A love that protects, not attacks.
A love that treats everyone equally.
A love that is rational, not impulsive.
A love that is pure.
A love that knows right from wrong.
A love that uplifts instead of draining.
A love that gives you wings, not chains.
A love that feels like peace, not chaos.
A love where “home” doesn’t feel like a prison you can’t escape.