Whiteness Made My Kenyan Partner Black. | by Jessica Kiragu

This came up in a conversation with my partner the other day. Someone had offered feedback about my writing — that I should start capitalizing the b in black. They explained that it’s because “Black” refers to ethnicity.

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She spotted the statue and decided it needed a hug — ‘the lady looked sad,’ she explained. Just out here practicing kindness and finding her way in the world, one embrace at a time. (Photo of my child, taken by me).

I’ve thought about this a lot.

So I went back to my partner. I remembered from past conversations that, as someone born and raised in Kenya, he doesn’t feel a connection to Black ethnicity here in the U.S. Several years later, I wanted to check again — did that change? Does he want me to capitalize Black?

His answer, the same as before — he doesn’t.

Now, I know there are good reasons people choose to capitalize. Major outlets like the AP and New York Times have standardized it. Foundations an organizations have adopted it. I understand why many see it as an important shift, and I don’t take it lightly. I don’t want to be disrespectful or divisive.

But for me, my main reason for not capitalizing black is because of my partner — because it doesn’t resonate with his identity. Our kids are still finding their way, still choosing how they’ll relate to Black identity in the U.S. If they want me to capitalize, I absolutely will.

When I write about race, I’m writing with my family in mind. The lowercase b points toward something I wish were…

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