When Love and Pain Speak Different Languages

Excerpt:

They looked like the perfect couple — beauty and wealth, charm and ambition. But behind the smiles and luxury was a silent battle of unmet needs, emotional distance, and misunderstanding. This is a story about how love can unravel when two people speak different emotional languages.

They looked like the perfect couple.

She — beauty that stopped conversations. He — wealth, charm, ambition.

But behind the villa, the luxury car, and the photographs of smiling children, there was a quiet war of unmet needs.

This is not just their story. It’s a story about how love can drown when two people speak different emotional languages.

I know a couple. Now they are divorced. Who knows what the future holds? At first, they were happy when they met. A typical story, a typical stereotype. She was truly a beauty, like from a fairy tale — the face of a princess, a universal beauty, the golden ratio. He was rich, with a big house, an expensive car, luxurious dinners and high-class places. Wherever they appeared, she was like a pocket Venus — everyone admired her, he was proud: “I’ve hit the jackpot.”

But he was expressive, with an “energy hook” — he said everything he thought. When angry, he insulted and poured out everything on his mind, a killer for gentle introverts who hate conflict. And his wife — the beauty from his dreams — was exactly that. A woman overflowing with emotions, deeply hurt by injustice, a woman who would feed the hungry. People saw she was kind and compassionate, but her beauty kept them at a distance. Even though her nose was ordinary, and her eyes neither big nor blue, her face reflected the golden ratio — irresistible.

She grew up craving love and attention, with parents who fought, divorced, and a mother who began to drink. Raised by an alcoholic mother and a good grandmother, she never learned to express the fullness she felt. Her childhood was haunted by scenes of a drunk mother and an unstable father who yelled and fought. Ironically, her father in his youth looked like her husband: imposing, with a large nose. Her father also said everything he thought, good or bad.

Her husband fell in love with her timeless beauty, though she never cared much about that — she only cared about kindness, in people, in herself, in the world. Wounded by her childhood, she longed for someone to value and love her. He came from a family that was practical, not emotional, uninterested in subtle energies — they wanted to lead, control, and valued money. Though emotions existed, they were never as deep or intense as hers, where her soul and heart would flood with care and love.

But she never got that ocean of love she craved — not even from her grandmother. Outwardly beautiful as a picture, the kind every man would want and women would envy, she fell in love with a man who resembled her father. And as we know, whether we admit it or not, our partners often resemble our mother or father.

They had two beautiful children. She cared for them like the apple of her eye. He began building their dream villa, consumed by construction, money, contractors, deadlines. He forgot about her in the process, while she cared for the children and fed his elderly grandfather who lived with them. Soon she began to suffer from the lack of attention she had always needed. She started drinking, like her mother — the only pattern she knew to cope (or rather, escape) from problems.

He grew angrier and more aggressive because of her drinking, insulting her and shouting. The pattern of the “energy hook” and emotional blackmail emerged — he would hurt her with words, and she would guilt him with his cruelty.

Eventually, her childhood trauma caught up with her, and her mental health broke. He wasn’t there to support her through the challenges of raising two small children. He built the house, took care of finances, drove the kids to kindergarten — but was never emotionally present. Chasing masculine energy, faster, stronger, bigger — a villa, a BMW. Like many men (not all), he didn’t recognize her feelings, her need to be accepted, her loyalty to the children.

Once she began drinking, nothing else mattered. She cared for the kids as best she could, but sank deeper into alcohol. The lack of understanding was killing her. He saw it as her craving attention, never realizing her emotions were real. He believed he was providing everything — house, money, car — but she wanted love and acceptance.

She ended up in a mental hospital. There, she met another alcoholic man, also misunderstood and overly emotional — something the world rarely accepts in men. They fell in love. She found in him the understanding and love she craved. Her husband no longer saw her beauty, only a cheater. She left him. He gave her the house, money, the car — everything. A comfortable life. Yet she had “betrayed” him for a mentally unstable alcoholic.

They divorced. She no longer sees her alcoholic lover — he couldn’t handle his emotional side. The husband hates her for leaving a comfortable life. The children stay with her on weekends, with him during the week. He sees her as a crazy alcoholic. But she is a pure, unspoiled soul who never learned how to face this world. She only knew her mother’s way of escaping — drinking.

And he? He’s angry because she “left” her life and children. She never left the children — she just wanted to be understood. Now, his family sees her only as a mad alcoholic woman. On weekends she treats the kids like a prince and princess. And he is also unhappy, because she doesn’t understand him either. He gave her everything — house, wealth, a luxury car. She fit perfectly into that image, but after the hospital, she didn’t anymore.

They are both unhappy in their separate worlds. And the children suffer.

Is it because our culture doesn’t allow men to feel emotions, to give, to understand?

I blame neither him nor her. I only hope that one day, people will realize they are speaking different languages — yet still the same universal language of love.

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