When Grief Makes You Numb and Emotional at the Same Time | by Oluwafunke Folami | Sep, 2025

When I heard that a friend of mine and former colleague had died, I didn’t know how to feel. At that time, I wasn’t even in a good place emotionally, and hearing about his death just made me numb. My heart ached, but my body felt frozen.

I remember it so clearly I was on my way to church when I got the news. I had to compose myself, but even as I sat there in the service, my mind kept wandering back to him.

It was strange, almost surreal. I couldn’t bring myself to post his picture with an “R.I.P” caption the way many of our mutual friends did.

A part of me wondered if that meant I wasn’t honoring him properly. Another part of me just didn’t have the strength to do it.

Memories of him kept coming back his smile, how he once taught me video editing, how willing he always was to help.

The smallest things reminded me of him, and at night I couldn’t sleep. I kept replaying our moments in my head.

Grief is strange like that. It can make you feel everything and nothing at the same time.

One moment your heart is heavy, the next moment you’re questioning yourself “Did I do enough? Did I honor them well?”

What I’ve come to realise is that grief is not about public displays or perfect words. It doesn’t follow a script. Sometimes it’s loud, sometimes it’s silent.

Sometimes it makes you cry, other times it just makes you stare at the wall in disbelief.

Maybe grief is just love, trying to find a place to go. Rest in peace to the ones we’ve lost you’ll always live in our memories.