THIS IS WHAT PCOS ACTUALLY FEELS LIKE. | by Gayatri

A raw, unfiltered journey through pills, pain, and the pieces of myself I’m still trying to regain. Ever wondered what happens when you pop that tiny pill your doctor casually prescribes?

They say it’ll “regulate” you.
But they never say how deeply it might wreck you.

PCOS isn’t just hormonal.
It’s haunting.

It’s waking up with unwanted breakouts.
It’s gaining weight when you’re barely eating.
It’s missing your old self — not just your body, but the lightness you once carried within.

You make plans. You buy dumbbells. You Google workouts. You tell yourself, ‘This time, I’ll change.’
But all your body wants is rest.
You scroll. Aaaannnd You bed-rot.

And just like that, the pills enter the story
Contraceptives, they say. But to me, they’re just chaos on a capsule.

At first, you hesitate, because deep down, you know… they don’t cure you.
They pause you.
They silence the symptoms while your hormones scream beneath.

You take them anyway.
Because you’re desperate to end the misery
And then you wait — for the side effects, the mood swings, the paranoia.
You count the days, wondering what damage they’re doing inside.

The cramps get worse.
The bleeding feels violent.
The clots? Terrifying.

And still, you don’t sleep.

Insomnia becomes your nightly routine.
You scroll through glow-up reels, wondering when it’ll be your turn.
You blame yourself.

Maybe if you ate better.

Maybe if you worked out.

Maybe if you were stronger.

But how do you fight a war when the battlefield is your own body?

One day it’s salads and yoga.
The next day, guilt and glucose spikes.
You try Ayurveda. You try silence. You try everything — and nothing.

And somewhere in between all this… You lose her.

The girl who laughed freely.
Who danced without pulling her top down.
Who didn’t suck in her stomach in every mirror.
Who didn’t check if her arms looked too big in that selfie.

PCOS doesn’t just mess with your periods.
It messes with your identity.

And yet.
You breathe.
You survive.

Maybe you haven’t figured it all out.
But this right here — this honesty, this choice to keep going? It means something.

Because someone out there feels this, too.
Because surviving this in silence isn’t strength. Sharing it is.

So no, this isn’t a glow-up post.
It’s the reality of living through it.
This is the truth, and truth is beautiful, even when it bleeds.

Zoom image will be displayed