The Day I Realized My Friends Weren’t Really My Friends | by Maia Malaguti

How one trip-planning disaster exposed the truth about a decade-long friendship.

Have you ever wondered if the people you surround yourself with actually like you? I have.
I’ve found myself obsessing over the possibility of not being liked, sitting for days trying to understand what I had to do to be accepted.

A year ago, I cut contact with most of my friends, and it completely changed my life.

We got into an argument about money. We had planned a trip, and three months before leaving, I got a job. I didn’t have the vacation days, and I told them as soon as I found out.

NONE OF THEM was sad I couldn’t make it. Their main worry was the cost of the shared apartment we had booked months before.

I looked for cheaper — but still comfortable — options, since we had free cancellation before the first of July. NONE OF THEM answered my texts.

I tried looking for someone to take my place, while they sat on their asses doing absolutely nothing, letting time pass.

JULY 1st came, and nothing had changed with their booking. They texted me for the first time in three months to ask me to pay my part.

This is when I realized they didn’t actually want me there — they just needed someone to help with the costs. Truth be told, I almost gave in and gave them the money. We had been friends since high school — nine years of friendship — and I didn’t want to lose it.

But they did not care.

I let them know I wasn’t going to give them anything. I had tried for months to find solutions, and they hadn’t even taken the time to send a simple “We’re sorry you can’t make it.” I couldn’t enable their poor planning.

As you might guess, our friendship ended then and there. That didn’t stop them from going around our larger friend group, spreading rumors. They told everyone I dropped out at the last second, giving them no notice.

These are the moments when you realize how much someone actually cares for you.

I lost my entire group of friends aside from two people. It was the worst period of my life.

I felt trapped in my own mind. I didn’t have a social life, I didn’t know how to make new friends, and most of all, I didn’t think anyone would want me as a friend.

I decided I needed to take action. I stopped worrying about what they might think and booked a vacation to Mexico with my boyfriend.

I also decided I wasn’t going to apologize or reach out — since not one of them ever reached out to me.

Now?
I live in Berlin with my boyfriend. I have a job I love. I write books in my free time, and I’m even thinking about starting a TikTok page or maybe a YouTube channel.

I realized I had never done what I actually wanted to do because they had never supported me:

The first time I told them I wanted a job in social media, they laughed and said no one would watch my content.
When I shared my love for writing, they told me no one would read my books.
When I got my make-up artist certificate, they told me it was useless.

I limited myself to fit into their narrative. I wanted to be liked. I had MAJOR FOMO.

They were going out every night, living what I thought was their best life. But I soon realized it wasn’t the life for me.

I love my life now. Losing them gave me the motivation to actually do what I wanted.

I’m now aware of my worth. I know what I deserve — and it’s respect, support, and happiness, all of which I always give in return.

I’m surrounding myself with people who actually like me. For example:
I had never had a real birthday cake. Since I was born in the summer, everyone was either on vacation or wanted to celebrate in their own way, like going clubbing (which I don’t like — but I went along anyway). This year, my neighbors and my boyfriend surprised me with a cake and flowers at home. It was the best birthday I’ve had in a long time.

In conclusion:
Friends will always come and go. You may take different paths or outgrow each other. But if someone truly likes you, they will make time for you. They will include you in their plans, and they will find things you can enjoy together.

It takes time. You’ll lose people. You’ll find yourself alone at three in the morning, wondering what you did wrong. The truth is: nothing.

The more time passes, the more you’ll find people you genuinely love.

Be selective. Choose the ones who support your dreams. The ones who stay when you’re down. The ones who prioritize you.

Choose the friends you deserve — because you’re worth so much more than you know.

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