The beginning of the end.

Day 91 of 100.

I’m not satisfied.

It feels like I barely scratched the surface. I feel this because I stopped exploring academic writing, copy writing, technical writing, and other forms like I had initially planned to before the start of this challenge. Not to make excuses, but I was juggling being creative with settling in a new role, completely out of my field, and preparing for an exam. Saying I felt choked is an understatement. I couldn’t breathe. I completely stopped every other activity that wasn’t working, studying, and writing. I craved a break so bad.

Whenever I got too tired and overwhelmed, I’d remind myself of the bigger picture, the one that keeps the stubborn ember burning. I wish the tiredness were physical. Unfortunately, it was too close to a burnout for comfort.

The day I finally wrote the exam, I had made a mental list of all the things I’d indulge in. Every activity I had missed sorely. All the communities I had to ghost because I didn’t have it in me to participate. Unfortunately, again, it didn’t go as planned. I couldn’t allow myself the pleasure of breathing and easing into my comforts, I didn’t like my result. So, there I was for weeks beating myself up and just stuck in a limbo of what could have been. Autopiloting and masking because I had zero form of release. I couldn’t cry it out, I couldn’t rage it out. Everything was just there, sitting pretty on my chest like my chest was its throne. It was so bad I nearly passed out at work on afternoon and I had to be taken to my uncle’s laboratory to be tested. Nothing was found but it was evident that I was stressed and I had to rest whether I liked it or not. I tried to but I know I need to be knocked out for 8 straight hours uninterrupted. Till then, I’ll take what I can get.

I almost gave up on the 84th day. I wanted to be everywhere but where I was supposed to be.

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I was going to let it all out but I changed my mind

I contemplated giving up. Scratch that, I gave up but overthinking wouldn’t let me give up. I got writing and posted and I just kept going. By this time next Saturday, the challenge will be officially over. Unofficially, I’m just getting started.

Having ideas is easy, execution on the other hand, is where the hard work lies. I called it 100 days of creativity and grit, it has been that. I’ll be lying if I said I’ve experienced writers block from the first day till now. I have always maintained that there will always be stories all around us, waiting to be told. I’m grateful to be able to see and experience them. I’m grateful for the gift of putting it down. I’m grateful for the entire process, my audiences, and grace to keep showing up.

I don’t feel like I’ve done enough, but I’m grateful that I have done all I have done so far. It only gets better from here and the best is yet to come!

In the words of Daveed Diggs, aka Marquis de Lafayette, “who is the best? C’est moi!”

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