sin. I am so fed up with myself. | by yasaa𐙚 | Oct, 2025

I am so fed up with myself.

I don’t know how to stop it. It turns out it started when I was young. Somehow, we were all together back then, and that was the starting point of all this wrongdoing.

It all disappeared for a few years, and then a few years later I met someone who brought back the things I had buried in the past. I was lulled into a false sense of security, and I returned to a time when I shouldn’t have, and it got worse. What’s even more upsetting is that the person who brought back those nightmares is now free, no longer trapped in the past. He has completely forgotten everything. And once again, I am the only one who is trapped in this dark abyss, struggling to find a way out.

I don’t know why this happened. Maybe I did open that door, I allowed all of this to happen, and in reality, I am the one who suffers. Sometimes I feel that the difficulties I face are because of the wrongs I have done. I may be tested in many ways so that I return to the right path. But it turns out that after facing many tests, I veer off in the wrong direction again, and when I realize it’s wrong, I want to return to the right path.

The cycle is always like that. In the end, I still choose the wrong path and continue to regret it afterwards. I don’t want this to happen again. It’s very confusing. I want to get out of these bad thoughts. I want to be like her, who has forgotten the bad things. I want to.

Tonight is the first time I’ve done something I normally wouldn’t do. I feel that all of this is wrong; I mustn’t do it anymore. I have to free myself from this terrifying bondage. I’m afraid of becoming foolish. Worse still, I could really go mad.

This is the last time, I’m sure!