My Last Night in Bangkok. The slure of my mind through the pain… | by PK | Jul, 2025
On Saturday 31 May 2025, I decided to go out and have a glass of beer on my own in that late evening after spending my whole day packing the 16 years of my life in Bangkok at a small bar nearby. Dwelling in the eye of the storm of my emotions, I asked myself, “Am I a loser?”
The grief of losing my job, the numbness in every single piece of my bones, and the emptiness spectred in my soul — Is this how it feels like when a person is failing in his or her life?
I was sitting there surrounded by the ocean of people celebrating or cheering the football tournament on a huge flashing screen in the bar. For a moment, I thought… should I leave this life for good? (I guess most of you know what that means).
I took a sip of the IPA on my table, lit up a cigarette in my hand, and looked outside where cars were passing by with the same thought over and over.
At some point, a part of me decided to break the silence through my mind, “You are not a loser. It was just a trip and fall, perhaps a bit of a loss but you’re not a loser. Get it together and move on!”
I stopped thinking. Just stop and let my mind go blank or, at its best, ignore everything that came across my mind — sadness, grief, disappointment, betrayed emotions, etc.
I smiled looking out the glass window of the bar pretending everything was okay like it was just another normal day after I woke up in the afternoon…well, ninus all the chaos from work since…
I started to think about what I was going to do when I went back home. Am I goinng to be welcommed or extrememly disgusted by my relatives. Even then I still hoped that I would get a response from the international school in the area but the chance that I could get the job was so nich that I worried that I won’t make it for another two weeks.
Then, I took my last gulp of my beer and looked around at the people one last time.
“One last time,” spoke from the voice of the void in my head.
I called for the bill and went back to my apartment to continue packing my stuff and getting ready for the moving truck tomorrow.
