is this really summer?. First I graduated, till then I counted… | by Irem Yildirim | Jul, 2025

First I graduated, till then I counted years as if they start on September. Well my birthday is in September, also school years begin on that month; which was a pretty big deal.

Then I started working corporately. That’s when I started losing the sense of periods linked with weathers. Office hours each week. Doing the best I can at nights & getting more tired during weekends, instead of resting. Big, full energy days spent contactless with my body.

Then I quit & started working freelance full time. That’s when I lost my sense of long term commitment to places. I was here and there, wherever I want whenever I want. Weathers would change like moods. Same weather, different temperatures. Different places, same me. No sense of direction or belonging — free as a bird tho in a cage of mind.

And then I moved to the other side of the world. I moved to a paradise where it’s always summer. No jumpers, no coats; where everything feels light — except emotions. Sunbathing in November, new years in swimwear. Flipflops under the rain, swimming in the pool of raindrops fearlessly, not shaky.

By June I realized how blurry the line got between the weathers for me. I used to have rigid lines between those, winters for studying and summers for aimless fun. Then it was winters for work, summers for light work & parties. Each year it got more vague: times for work, times for parties (times for recovery and times for myself added to the list).

And now I realize, not only weathers but each rigid line has faded at this point of my life. Everything feels intertwined rather connected. I don’t have set working hours anymore, a set holiday break, summertime, wintertime, beach day, family vacation, new years break. I can experience all in one day, or none. Not sure if it is a good thing or bad, just is.

I found myself a couple of times these months, reminding myself like “hey! it’s summertime!” to feel an uplifting energy rising in me when I was overthinking on some situations. You know that lively, positive, yolo feeling summer brings? A state of constant joy, dreaming about the upcoming year (cuz years would start in September), enjoying to be free from all the hard work and responsibilities for some days? I think I have lost that. No big highs or lows, every day is in a somewhat stabil harmony of shots called by nothing but my will. Again, not sure if it is a good or a bad thing. Just is.

Is this really summer? Is it how summers gonna be now in the world of adulting? Or is it only this summer that feels somewhat off?

We’ll live and see I guess. Accepting the stabil harmonious (not dull or boring) summer I am having (not being spoiled or greedy). Enjoying till it lasts, till the hysterical side of me calls a riot makes a spontaneous last second decision jumps on something without thinking and thinks of it the next day with all the excitement like “what an unplanned yet magnificent disaster I’ve made!”