Is it possible to willfully develop ADHD? | by PC LOAD LETTER

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I used to think “casual” meant low stakes. Something you could pick up for a few minutes and walk away from like a sane person. Now, I’m playing Block Blast while code compiles, pulling screws out of virtual furniture while waiting on Slack replies, and running a pixelated hotel empire during dinner like I’m the CEO of Squirrels, Inc.

TV isn’t enough stimulation anymore. I need that jewel-matching combo dopamine hit on the side. Somewhere between trying to focus and constant switching, I’m starting to wonder if I’ve somehow trained myself into a mild case of ADHD — not clinically, but in the “can’t focus without a dozen distractions running at once” kind of way. It’s like my brain’s craving so many little hits of novelty that sitting still feels like a punishment.

I’m either getting really good at listening or missing out on most of my life. But hey, at least I hit my daily challenges before the credits rolled.

What’s funny is I’ll sit through ad after ad for other games I’ll definitely have to try — right after I beat this round, of course. Much better to have an endless hole of bullshit to fall into than pay $2.99 to enjoy the one I’m sucked into today. Especially on a thousand-dollar phone. I’ve watched the same fake hand solve the same fake puzzle at least 50 times. Pretty sure we’re in a toxic, codependent relationship.

The genius of these games is how they keep dangling the “you were so close!” carrot. Every loss is just a near-win I’ll obviously conquer in my next 5-minute attempt. Definitely not on purpose, but I’m pretty sure I’ve unlocked a bonus level of self-inflicted psychological damage.

I could quit anytime. Really. Right after one more merge attempt. Or maybe after my hotel’s next check-in. Okay, fine — after I get that last screw out. Then I’m done. Probably.

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