I Spent Money I Didn’t Have. And It Changed Everything | by Tracy Dixon

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Me in my goth fighting gear 😉

So this happened…

I was thinking about whether or not I should spend $30 on makeup. I’ve got this big goth convention I am vending at. The biggest show I have ever done. And I want to feel good. I want to SHOW UP. Celebrated, confident, radiant. But I also run my own business. Which means I don’t get a paycheck every Friday. Sometimes it’s a feast, sometimes it’s a famine, and sometimes it’s just a little “eh” in between. The way I have found is to go with the flow, lean in, trust it is coming.

And just as I’m debating it, a bunch of things align:

I sell two tarot decks — $65 each — which is above my normal $45

I am going through a messsy breakup and just now, an art print of Kali Ma sells out of nowhere — Hello Mom, nice to see you. 😉 As always ❤
I am stressing about makeup I need for the show and my mom texts me saying she won $300 at the casino and wants to take me out to get my nails done.

And it hit me.

This is one of those call-and-response moments with the universe.
I have a thought, and something answers.

When you work for yourself, especially in a spiritual or creative field, the cash flow can be unpredictable. It doesn’t mean you’re failing. It just means you’re in it. There are slow days. There are miracle moments. And there are times like this — where you’re riding the edge between caution and trust, asking yourself:

“Do I hold onto every penny just in case?
Or do I buy the damn lipstick?”

That answer depends on your mindset. And for me, it’s been a learning curve.

Look, I have mixed feelings about the manifestation crowd.
Some of it rings true. Some of it feels like spiritual bypassing dressed in gold a bow.

They say:

“If you don’t act like you’re abundant, you’ll attract lack.”

“Buy the thing now or you’re telling the universe you don’t believe you’ll have more.”

And okay… there’s some truth to that. If you’re always operating from fear. Always clinging, stressing, second-guessing. You are training your brain and body to expect scarcity. That energy leaks into your work. It creates tension.

But swinging the other direction, being totally irresponsible and calling it “faith”? That’s not it either.

I think the magick is somewhere in the middle.

Be responsible. But don’t shrink.
Make grounded decisions. But don’t self-abandon.
Trust the flow. And don’t talk yourself out of it.

I heard someone say once, “If money were a person, how would they feel around you?”

And that stuck.

If you’re always afraid of money, chasing it, obsessing over it, or constantly doubting it’ll show up… that energy doesn’t feel good. It’s needy. It’s panicked. It pushes things away.

But if you treat money like a welcome guest , someone you trust will stop by, someone you appreciate when they do, you create space for more of it to arrive.

That’s what I’m practicing.
Not pretending I’m rich.
Not ignoring my bills.

Just loosening my grip enough to say:

“More is on its way. Obviously.”

“I’ve always landed on my feet.”

“I trust myself to figure it out.”

So yeah. I bought the makeup.

Not because I had extra money laying around.
Not because I wanted to prove anything to the universe.
But because I wanted to feel good showing up.

I’m not manifesting from desperation; I’m choosing to align with my Will.

Every time I’ve loosened my grip, trusted the process, and allowed myself a little celebration, something lines up.

So I’m wearing that black lipstick like god damn war paint to the goth show.
I’m showing up like it’s already done.
I’m walking into that space knowing I don’t have to beg the universe to support me.

It already is.

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