“I broke up with ‘Someone new’ and somehow we found our way back.” | by Christiana Ameh | Sep, 2025
This has to be the longest awaited part ever!
Before this person came into my life, remember I was empty. The pain of being unwanted had become my shadow, and I always heard the voice whisper, “You’ll never be enough.”
I remember vividly in 2022, I was staying with a friend and her family, and she asked me to leave her house. Shortly before this happened, the Holy Spirit had asked me to move back home. Remember in part one I told you how I was wandering aimlessly? What I truly meant was that I wasn’t staying with my parents. I became like the prodigal son who left home (though I came back once in a while). But the Lord asked me to go back home. When I failed to leave immediately, she asked me to leave. It was shameful, but like we know, rejection is redirection. though at the time I didn’t know this.
Now I was back to the place I once despised because I was always misunderstood as a teen, and I didn’t feel enough there. But here I was, with nowhere to escape to.
I had been with this new person a year before I moved back home, so we started our relationship.
I found it hard to be open with them. They were ever-present, but I still felt I had to do it alone, and so I started struggling. They offered me help, but I couldn’t receive it, because I had been enslaved to my own mind and thoughts I was holding dear to. I was unwilling to let go, because all I had ever known then was pain, and letting go of it felt like letting go of myself, since my scars had become my identity.
So I tried to run away.
Several times, I left this person and fell back to my old ways of self-sabotage, people-pleasing, depression, and indulging in sins I had been saved from. And it continued like that for a while. But they pushed and pushed, showering me with a love that could be questioned because of how pure it was, yet it felt unreal. Slowly, I finally started to let my guard down and tried to actually get to know this person. It did take a while, but with time I began to realize: with them, my ways are challenged, my attitude is checked, and my emotions matter. I didn’t have to perform to receive love, care, or provision. I could be vulnerable and not feel judged. And when I did nothing or the bare minimum, they applauded me and made me feel seen, like I was enough for once. They protected the little girl in me, cared not just for my body but for my soul, and for once, my heart felt safe. This was new and beautiful.
The broken relationship with my family was slowly becoming better. Because of them, I was delivered from the addiction that plagued me for years. They helped me stop completely without relapsing, not even for one day.
My identity, like I said, was once my scars from the hurt, rejection, betrayal, pain, and trauma I endured before I met them, but it was also my beauty. Before this person came into my life, I was obsessed with showing skin online because it gave me appraisal and validation from people. But with them, I couldn’t portray myself as an object to be perceived immorally by men and women. They taught me, and are still teaching me, how much of a beautiful earthen vessel I am, and that my body is the temple of God where the Holy Spirit dwells.
You’d think I would stick with this person, right? But no. I broke up with them at any slight inconvenience. And what were those inconveniences? Calling me higher and to become a better version of myself. But I was used to a pattern and had a mentality that always interfered with my process of change.
But one way or the other, I always found myself back with this person because, truly, no one has ever made me feel the way they do. No one has ever loved me the way they love me. No one understands me like them. No one sees my mistakes as just mistakes like they do. They don’t judge me, they don’t condemn me, they don’t mock me, they don’t belittle me, they don’t reject me. When I do things that are not right, they only correct me in love every time!
I know you’re wondering who this person is. And yes, we’ve been together since 2021. It’s not a secret you may have guessed who they are already, and maybe not. But I’m not here to gatekeep my Lover. The whole purpose of writing this is to let you know you’re not alone, and I also want to introduce you to Him.
