Failure Of My Life. Sharing my insights. What did I… | by Just Be Free | Introvert Diary | Aug, 2025
Sharing my insights. What did I learned?
I know that cold December, that wasn’t cold just because of the weather, but also because of what it did to me and what it taught me for the future. I’m not referring too far off, just a few months ago from here. Yes, December of 2024. When everyone was busy shopping for winter and I sat quietly in the dark, frozen corner of my room. Today, I’m here to share a little pain in my life that has left never-ending outcomes. I still have a fear and heart-wrenching pain in me because I never wanted to remind it again. But, if I don’t share it, how do I heal? Come with me.
How do I lose?
Dozens of responsibilities fell on me at once. My brother left me, admitted to the hospital as he was diagnosed with a serious disease. Before that, I was given a prince treatment because he, my brother, did all the external and many internal chores, but now this fell on me like forever. My sky turned dark not only at night, but also in the day. That December broke me from within. Everywhere I went, I kept hearing the same words: “You don’t study? You don’t work? You’re useless. If you can’t work, then leave this place.”
But where’s my failure in all this? Here’s my failure: “I failed to as a son, as a student, as a brother, and as a boy, I was ignored by every relation I had.” I couldn’t come up to their expectations because this was all given to me for the very first time. I gave an application and spent two months at home, which was no longer a home; it was a prison, where everything was forced. Even breathing was difficult during that time. Even my friends left me during that difficult time.
My mother, who once believed in me, left her words forever, and even she became a warden of the jail, my home.
And then came the New Year 2025, when everyone started it by watching fireworks, and with new expectations, I started it in the darkness of my room, and my tears glistening in my eyes. The very next day, 1st January, 2025, I was forcibly admitted to a whole-day academy where I spent 12 hours of my day, from 9 AM to 9 PM, where I learned skills and at evening did my studies, it was a failure for me in studies because I was bullied by the boys there in a harmful way. Ultimately, I left it within 16 days of being bullied. But it now sometimes feels like Where was my masculinity? I was a boy like them. Why didn’t I defend myself?
But some days just leave their echoes behind and nothing.
The Bloom:
My brother was sent home, safe and sound, in February. It was my bloom, my first win after 60 days of being betrayed again and again. But I had lost the trust in the eyes of my family. But why? You might have been wondering, I didn’t do anything bad in the whole story. Here’s my mistake that reshaped my life: “I didn’t manage my ego.”
But believe me, I was never that. But I was made. That little ego broke me.
Lessons From That Winter:
I learned only a few lessons from that time, but they changed my life forever. They are these:
Sometimes, you have to accept humility, because ego can destroy you.
The people who left you in your worst moments were never truly yours; they only wanted to use you for their gain.
If someone’s presence doesn’t bring peace, it’s better to let go, ignore, and move on.
And as a student, I would add this: Parents have rights over us, but not to the extent of making every decision of our lives.
There was only one person who supported me through my whole journey of failure and blooms, and she’s my sister. Sisters are a gift given by god to brothers.
What I feel now about that moment is very strange: I feel fear, I feel happy, I feel pain. I don’t know why.
Just want to say a few more words at the end:
Never had a behaviour like,
I lost my respect for my ego
Made by the world are artificial,
I’m still that I used to be
Thank you, Introvert Diary editors, , and , for this amazing writing challenge. These little words healed from the inside.
Thank you for reading!
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