Coping with friendships. I refuse to be invisible. | by Zachary Aurilio | Nov, 2025

I refuse to be invisible.

The pain of loss is tearing me apart. The loss of a best friend through his uncaring attitude. His constant cancellations. His ignorance of my heartfelt texts and attempts to call. He pushes me away through his inaction. Unwillingness to go out of his own or sacrifice any of his time or comfort for a simple conversation.

I’m not chronically online playing video games, so my presence never reaches his perceptual field. We no longer live in the same city so our chances to hang are slim to none.

This pattern of ignorance, making me feel like a desperate loser to even think about hanging with my friend, started my last year of college in Chicago. We went to the same school, him a year younger. Known from high school and boy scouts. He slowly started to trickle away in the fall. Cancel here and there, not really reaching out.

Then spring rolled around, my last months in the city. My other friends had moved or fallen away. I had new budding relationships but nothing stable or with history. Nothing like what I thought we had.

And it became a cancel after cancel after cancel. An I’m too tired after my class. I need to go home. After I waited at school for two extra hours for him to finish up. A sorry I didnt get any sleep last night so I need to go home. To play another 6 hours of video games until early in the morning. Forgetting his school work, which will be used as another excuse in the next days to avoid me.

He doesn’t take care of himself, so how can he take care of his friendships?

I felt betrayed, replaced by mind numbing video games. I mentioned how I felt and he apologized, said things would change. Told me about his own problems with sleeping, anger, and doubt. I listened, gave a helping hand, and he went back to doing the exact same things.

Then summer hit, we were both back in our hometown for break. I see him even less, although the opportunities are plenty. He leaves for college again, our lives officially on separate paths.

But I still want to see him, invite him and our closest friends to a Doobie Brothers concert. We love listening to music, and he introduced me to them. I sent a heartfelt text at 2am when I was drunk. I missed him, I was sad we’ve grown apart.

I have a tendency for big extreme plans. The tickets were cheap and it felt like a perfect storm. It was gonna be difficult because he doesn’t have a car and it’s a couple hours out of town. But it’s possible, he brings a friend from Chicago and voila.

He doesn’t respond for a day, I learn he is very broke from someone else. Couldn’t afford a new video game he has been waiting to be released for years. Go figure. I text him hey I want you to come, I’ll do what I can to make it happen. But if he can’t, I understand, I would still want to call and catch up on life.

He responded that he had plans that weekend and didn’t want to cancel on them. No response to my vulnerable message, or my plea to call. Glanced over it. Ignored. I never responded out of anger.

A couple months past and I have a brief trip planned to Chicago. I’m anxious to text, I can already feel us on the outs and am still hurt from before. But I do, he expresses so much excitement, and tells me to keep him updated on the plan because I don’t know when we’re getting there or will be free.

I text once I’m in town, he says he has errands to run. Won’t be free until 5–6. I say it sounds good, ask him later to bring a grinder, rolling papers, and salt. Entice him with weed. Salt for my gunked up healing tongue piercing. Yet, now he has a paper to write he forgot about and can’t see me. Wishes me a good time on the trip and that’s it.

“Alright thanks I’ll see you then” I text.

He can’t feel my loathing through that text. He can’t see that he is hurting me. He doesn’t care about me. That is a goodbye, an acceptance of his ignorant actions.

Same pattern as before. I don’t believe for a second he couldn’t have popped by fora minute. If he chose to tear his eyes away from the flashing computer screen. He wrote the paper for just an hour then played video games into the night. Just like always. Pushing me away.

I refuse to put effort into a relationship that does not value me. I refuse to sacrifice myself for someone who won’t even talk to me. We have so much history together, so many laughs and memories. I told him everything. Now I minus well be invisible.

So I’m done. Just done.