Being an Introvert Is Killing Me. I wasn’t always like this. I grew up as… | by Jannatu Adn | Nov, 2025

I wasn’t always like this.
I grew up as someone who was easy to talk to — someone who laughed easily, connected easily, and felt alive around people. But somewhere along the way, things changed. A lot of things changed. Now, I feel like an extrovert trapped in an introvert’s body.

People often think being an introvert is cool — as if being quiet means you’re mature, calm, or mysterious. But honestly, there’s nothing special about it. Every personality, whether extrovert or introvert, has its own light and shadow. And to be honest, being an introvert… isn’t always pleasant.

I prefer being alone. Not because I hate people, but because I lose energy so quickly when I’m around them.
Five minutes ago, I might still be laughing. But right after that, I start feeling completely drained. Sometimes I talk to people not because I want to, but because I feel it’s polite to respond when someone starts a conversation first.

Funny thing is, I often envy people who can just click with each other, laugh freely, and look so alive. They seem interesting simply because their words flow easily.
And me? Just sitting near a lively conversation can already drain all my energy. Weird, isn’t it? I’m not even part of the talk, yet I feel exhausted just being there.

What hurts more is when I actually have so much to say, but when the moment comes, the words just disappear. Then I regret it afterward — why didn’t I just say something?
Sometimes I wonder, is being introverted the same as being shy? Or are they two completely different things?

For many people, silence means indifference.
But for us, silence is a process of thinking. We notice, we analyze, and most of the time… we overthink. After every conversation, I replay every word in my head — Did I say something wrong? Did I hurt them? That’s why I often apologize, even for the smallest things.

And slowly, I started asking myself: who am I, really?
An extrovert who’s lost their spark, or an introvert who refuses to accept themselves?
I’ve gotten used to doing everything alone — keeping my stories to myself, carrying my emptiness quietly. But strangely, even while I enjoy solitude, I still crave connection.

That’s probably why I’m more active on social media.
I like being alone, but at the same time, I still need a bit of noise — at least through a screen. Somehow it’s easier to talk and express myself there, rather than in real life. I can post stories, write random thoughts, or share little things without having to actually talk to anyone.

But because of that, people often get the wrong idea.
They think that if I’m active online, then I must be outgoing in real life too.
Not really. Some people get surprised when they meet me in person —
“Wait, you’re actually this quiet?”
Yeah… that’s just how it is.
My online self and my real-life self are two completely different people.

Being alone gives me peace, but also emptiness.
Being around people gives me energy, but also exhaustion.
So what am I, really?

Maybe the answer is simple — I’m just a human being trying to find my place between the noise of the world and the quiet inside myself.