Becoming Me: A Journey from Survival to Self-love | by Mary Ellis Chapel | Nov, 2025

Chapter 1

Fly In The Potty: The Day I Learned Fear Can Be Real Even When No One Sees It.

The first picture my memory ever painted sits in my great-grandmother’s kitchen — not the real kitchen, but the smaller room to the side where she prepped food. A large window rested above the sink, centered on the long butcher-block countertop. On either side hung cupboards, their gray paint flaking and worn. The sun poured in through the window, hitting my little face.

I sat on my wooden potty. At this age, I can walk and sit down on my own, but my grandmother had placed me here to “make a potty”. My grandmother and great-grandmother stood in front of me, their figures creating an almost angelic silhouette. They spoke in soft voices about things I couldn’t yet understand, but the hum of their conversation filled me with quiet joy and a sense of freedom.

Then I saw it — a fly in my potty.

Fear rising inside of me. I jumped up, looking for understanding and safety, but my grandmother gently turned me back around and told me to sit down. The fly was gone, but the fear remained. I guess this is one of the reasons I was slow to potty train — even now, at 51, I can feel a tightness in my chest if I let myself remember that moment too clearly.

looking back, I realize that was one of the first times I ever felt fear that no one else could see. I couldn’t explain it, but it was real to me. So many other things had happen before that day — moments I can’t recall — yet this memory remains vivid. I still wonder why it stuck more than some of the “neglect” I was told I experienced. As a mother and grandmother, I carry that lesson into how I speak to my children and grandchildren. I remind them that no matter what they feel, its okay to tell me anything. I will always listen, acknowledge, and offer comfort. Sometimes, the most powerful thing we can say is simply, “its going to be okay.”

Even now, I think about what brought me to that floor, in that house, on that sunny day — my very firs memory of being Me.

Thank you for reading Fly In The Potty. If you’d like to follow my journey and read the next chapter of Becoming Me: A Journy from Survival to Self-love, click Follow at the top of the page.