Abortion Personal Story | Medium

I never thought it could happen to me.

At the time, I didn’t really have any other thoughts than that his body felt warm and comforting on top of mine. I hope you understand what that country boy with fluffy hair and a thick accent does to me. I could only think about pulling him in again, my hands at the nape of his neck, craving another open-mouthed kiss.

Nobody ever thinks it will happen to them.

I was 4 days late. I stood in a blue bathroom with ducks on the wall paper, holding a small stick. I brought it to the bedroom and quietly set it on the dresser. I didn’t want to look. Part of me already knew. Part of me clung to denial like a lifeline.

The clock ticked. The plastic displayed a word I dreaded.

I didn’t cry when I looked at my boyfriend. My face gave away the results.

In a single second, I could feel everything I’d worked for- going to college, flight school, AFROTC, my dream of becoming a fighter pilot- dying all around me.

We made a late night trip to CVS. Two more tests and two more truths I didn’t want to face.

An order to ship prescription pills from California was placed. A doctor reviewed my case, a label with my name on it was put on a dark blue bottle, and the illegal medicine crossed state lines to arrive at my boyfriend’s front door. I guess that makes me a felon, or someone who committed a felony.

I took the first dose of Mifeprestone on a Monday night. It was a small circular pill that went down easily with water.

Tuesday night, I took the first dose of Misoprostol. 4 pills dissolved under my tongue while I washed my hair in the shower. Nothing happened. Then the cramps started. Light before they kicked up. 14 minutes after dissolving the pills, the pain shook my legs despite the 800mg of Ibuprofen already working its way through my body. The cramps surged in waves, lessening and then tortorously tightening again.

I went to bed with my boyfriend and a heating pad over my abdomen. He woke me up at 12 AM to take another dose of 4 Misoprostol under the tongue. At 3 AM, I was woken up again. At 3 AM, another 4 Misoprostol under the tongue. At 3 AM, the Misoprostol was a chalky, disgusting pill that made me want to vomit. I barely swallowed it.

All night, cramps rocked my body and though I was too focused on the pain to notice, my sweat-drenched body shivered and shook the whole time. At one point, I might’ve run a fever, but not a concerning one. In the morning, my stomach turned and my body weakened. Then there was blood. Thick and sticky and dark and liberating. I exhaled for the first time in days. It was over. I slowly bled out the rest of the week, like normal menstruation, but this time it was a parasitic clump of cells.

I’m just a girl in love with her boyfriend. Just a girl going to college and flight school in the fall. A girl who pushes for success in AFROTC and dreams of being a fighter pilot in the US Air Force. A girl who had an abortion in a state that rejects and curses her and her decisions. A girl, who despite that, still chooses to serve with pride and patriotism because she believes our country can change for the better.

Author’s note:
This is anonymously published under a fake name. Abortion should only be used as a last resort and never as a form of birth control. My abortion was at or just under 5 weeks. This was the most excruciatingly painful thing I’ve ever experienced.