A GIRL TRAPPED IN A CYCLE.

I have a story.
It’s about a girl who often wonders if she truly deserves to be helped.
This is her story, told in her own words:

—

First of all, I want to thank you in advance for reading this.

I’ve tried asking for help from people and places that are meant to offer support, but seeing how exhausted and overwhelmed they looked made me pull back. I didn’t want to be another burden. So I turned to ChatGPT because maybe I’m less of a burden for a machine. I tried to figure things out on my own. But even AI, as helpful as it can be, can’t fully understand what I need and kept encouraging me to ask a real human to help me. So I’m writing this now, hoping that maybe there’s a real human who knows how to handle and help a person like me.

I’m the kind of person who struggles to ask for help. And when I do receive it, I often feel guilty, like I don’t deserve it. I tend to compare my situation to others and tell myself I have no right to speak up. It feels selfish to share my problems with people who already carry so much of their own.

So most of the time, I quietly accept defeat in the battles life gives me.
Not because I want to, but because I’m lacking knowledge and I rarely let myself ask for help.

You might wonder why I don’t talk or ask my friends.
The truth is, I can’t let them see me like this.
I’m the one who makes them laugh. I’m always the one who manages to take away their pain. I’m always there when they need me.
If they see me broken, I know it would hurt them, and I can’t bear to be the reason for their worries and sadness.
So I stay quiet. I keep smiling. I turn my pain into humor, even when I’m crumbling inside.

And if I’m being completely honest…
Sometimes when I hear and see how people ask for help in person, or when I read their posts online,
I have doubts about the majority of them.
I don’t know why, but my heart doesn’t always respond to them as sincere or honest.
I’m not saying all of them, just the majority. I have this weird feeling when someone is being honest and when they are not.
Obviously, I could be wrong — because who can guarantee they’re 100% honest, right?

So when I have those thoughts, I hate myself for it.
Because how can I ask for help when I doubt others who do the same?

What hurts the most is that the people who are truly struggling
are often the ones no one sees.
They suffer quietly. Alone.
And the ones who lie — they know how to exaggerate and demand for more.
To gain more and more, leaving the people who are in need with almost nothing.
And all the people who are supposed to be helping those really in need — they get so exhausted and numb that they start to care less and less.

That’s the reality I see.
And it breaks me inside.

If this message hurts anyone, I truly apologize. It’s not my intention.
I just want to be transparent, even with the parts of me I’m ashamed of.

I suppose I’m simply trying to find out
if someone like me, with all this conflict, guilt, and fear,
is still worthy of being helped.

Thank you for reading this.

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