5 Seconds That Made Me Bury My Own Child | by MysterySpark | Aug, 2025

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The day I met Alex, it was raining cats and dogs in Chicago, the kind of downpour that turns streets into rivers. I was huddled under a bus shelter, my umbrella flipped inside out, cursing my luck, when he splashed up in a beat-up Jeep, offering me a ride. “Hop in before you drown,” he said with a grin that could melt ice. He had this easy charm — wavy hair, a flannel shirt, and eyes that sparkled like he knew a secret. We ended up at a diner, sharing soggy fries and stories about our messed-up families. That was nine years ago. Alex became my world, my goofy sidekick, the man who made me believe in forever without all the fairy-tale fluff.

Our life together started simple and sweet. We got engaged on a whim during a road trip to the Wisconsin Dells, pulling over at a cheesy tourist spot with a heart-shaped hot tub. Alex was a mechanic, always coming home with grease under his nails, while I worked as a graphic designer from our cramped apartment. We dreamed big — traveling to Europe, starting a family, growing old in a house with a backyard for barbecues.

He’d call me his “spark plug,” and I’d laugh, teasing him for his car puns, but it warmed me every time. We had these silly moments, like when he’d try to fix dinner and burn the burgers, only for us to order pizza and eat it on the floor, giggling about our “gourmet fails.” It was romantic in its messiness, funny in its chaos, and so deeply ours.

But dreams don’t always play out like you plan. A couple years in, things got rocky. My freelance work dried up, leaving me stressed and glued to my laptop. Alex’s garage hit a slow patch, so he picked up extra shifts. Then the world shut down with the pandemic, locking us in like everyone else. We coped with food — endless takeout, baking bread that never rose right, ice cream straight from the tub while binge-watching shows. I didn’t see it happening, but the pounds piled on. My clothes got tight, my energy tanked, and the mirror became an enemy. I’d stare at old photos from our engagement, me in a sundress, carefree and slim, and feel this deep ache. Who was that girl?

Alex never complained. He’d hug me tighter, whisper I was perfect, but I could sense the shift. Our nights together grew rarer; I’d turn away, self-conscious about my body, worried I wasn’t the woman he signed up for.

The weight brought other problems — aches in my joints, breathlessness climbing stairs, and this nagging fear about our future. We’d been trying for a baby for over a year, but nothing. Doctors mentioned my weight as a factor, how it could mess with hormones and fertility. I tried diets — counting calories, going vegan, even that soup cleanse that left me starving — but I’d yo-yo, losing a bit then gaining more. It was soul-crushing, and yeah, a little funny in a pathetic way — me, crying over a scale that mocked me, while Alex snored peacefully.

I’ve always been a bit spiritual, not religious exactly, but I believe in signs from above, in that inner voice guiding you. My grandma used to say, “Your soul whispers when life screams, honey.” I’d sit on our balcony, breathing deep, trying to listen. But lately, all I heard was doubt: Was I letting Alex down? Could I even be a mom like this? The quiet amplified my fears, turning them into a roar I couldn’t ignore.

Then came that night. It was a chilly October evening, the leaves crunching underfoot outside our window. We’d had a decent day — Alex surprised me with flowers from the gas station, and we cooked pasta together, him twirling me around the kitchen like we were in some rom-com. For a moment, it felt hopeful. I’d just found out I was pregnant — two pink lines on the test that morning. I hadn’t told him yet, planning to do it over dinner, but nerves got the best of me. We went to bed early, his arm around my waist, and I lay there, hand on my belly, imagining our little family.

I woke up around 2 a.m., a sharp cramp twisting my gut. I slipped out of bed, thinking it was nothing, maybe gas from the pasta. In the bathroom, I felt a warm trickle, and when I looked down — blood. My heart stopped. I clutched the sink, whispering, “No, please no.” Five seconds staring at that red stain, and I knew. I crumpled to the floor, sobbing silently, my world shattering. Our baby — gone before it began. In those five seconds, I felt like I’d buried my own child, the dream of us as parents slipping away in a pool of crimson.

I didn’t wake Alex right away. I sat there for hours, tears soaking my nightshirt, replaying every bite of junk food, every skipped walk. Was it my fault? My weight? The doctors had warned me, but I hadn’t listened hard enough. When dawn broke, I told him, my voice barely a whisper. He held me as I broke, his own tears mixing with mine. “We’ll get through this,” he said, but his voice cracked, the sadness raw between us. We grieved together, lighting a candle for what could have been, talking late into nights about our lost little one. It was romantic in a heartbreaking way, our love tested and somehow deeper.

Spiritually, it felt like a cruel sign, the universe forcing me to face the truth. Those five seconds weren’t just loss; they were a wake-up call, screaming that I needed to change. Funny how tragedy can be a teacher. I started small — walks around the block with Alex, where we’d hold hands and joke about dodging potholes like they were landmines. But the weight clung stubbornly, my body a reminder of what I’d lost. I needed more than willpower; I needed help.

A friend from work mentioned something she’d been using — a supplement, nothing flashy, just a mix of natural stuff like green tea and fiber, meant to kickstart your metabolism and curb those cravings. I was curious but doubtful; I’d tried pills before that did zilch. Still, I dug into it, reading stories from women like me — real people sharing their journeys, not glossy ads. It wasn’t a magic fix, but it promised steady support for shedding pounds healthily. I decided to give it a go.

Alex joined in, turning it into our morning routine. We’d blend it into smoothies, clinking glasses and toasting “to new starts,” which always brought a small smile. The changes came slowly, realistically — no overnight miracles. A few pounds dropped the first month, then more as I paired it with better eating and longer walks that turned into jogs. My energy returned; I felt lighter, not just physically, but like a fog had lifted from my soul. The mirror started showing a woman I recognized, one who could dream again.

It wasn’t just about the weight. Our love healed too — romantic evenings cooking lighter meals, laughing when our salads turned out bland, like the time we added too much vinegar and puckered like lemons. The sadness lingered, a scar on our hearts, but it made us stronger. Spiritually, I saw it as rebirth, a reminder that from burial comes growth. We talked about trying for another baby someday, when I was ready. Alex’s hugs felt warmer, his whispers of “I love you” carrying more weight.

Those five seconds changed everything. They made me bury my own child, a pain I’ll carry forever, but they also pushed me to rise. Our life feels renewed — picnics by the lake, spontaneous dances in the rain, and a bond forged in fire. I’m not the same, and neither is Alex, but we’re here, together, with hope blooming where grief once grew.

If you’re carrying that same heavy heart, wondering if you’ll ever feel light again, don’t be afraid to seek what works. I found a supplement that helped me find my way back, and it’s made all the difference. Curious? Click here to learn more.

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